So what's up with men and their complete lack of grace in "checking" women "out"?
- walking into doors, people, or walls because they can't stop staring at your ass
- walking into doors, people, or walls because they turned around TO check out your ass
- standing blatantly in front of you, likely in conversation with you, thinking your eyes are on your chest
- tweeting and MMS-ing that they just saw a "hot chick" at such-and-such place
+ taking that pic with their phone for the MMS message is less-than-subtle
+ How 'bout when they still have the shutter noise enabled? Classy.
- causing traffic accidents or halting traffic at intersections because you're more important than the road
- thinking you're not within earshot of your buddy's objectifications and/or "I could do her" claims
- Contrary to popular belief, we DON'T like it when you whistle at us
- Please restrain yourselves from addressing us as "baby", "doll", or "mamma"
Speaking of grace, I was curious to check out the new Pole Dancing classes available just outside the city. Even though I am a bit of a feminist, I don't particularly mind seeing women shakin' it on TV (and the like). I'm not attracted to them, but they are enjoyable to watch. :P Women are better at being sensual than men are.
But back to pole dancing. My sole motivation is to get my abdominal muscles back. I miss being fit! I've always been a dancer, so dancing in place/in circles isn't very tough for me. I attended my first class this week. Not bad! I'm in better shape than I originally thought I was. I just might keep this up for a while. Thank God I won' be doing Pilates. I tried that once. Not my cup of tea. Maybe I found it too boring. [cue Black Eyes Peas Rock That Body]
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
How Do You Fuck Up Toast?!
I like toast. But does it bother you when they butter the toast for you?
"Would you like some toast?"
"I would LOVE some toast!"
....and I always end up disappointed. I mean, I understand I can't expect people to make toast the exact way I do, but here's a list of things that can go wrong in this scenario:
- Maybe I didn't want your salted butter. What if I preferred unsalted products. It could be a diet thing.
- What if I wanted margarine?
- What if I wanted wheat bread? or Rye? or Sourdough?
- Maybe I'm OCD and wanted the butter spread evenly to the outer corners, rather than splattered in a lump while you anticipate the butter to just dissipate out towards the crust.
- Why do people cut toast diagonally? To confuse yourself into thinking you're eating more than you are??
- Maybe I'm that type of person that repeatedly pushes the toast back down to get that perfect taste of BURNT to go with that spread.
- Did you ever stop to think I'd want Jam instead? Hmm??
- Or maybe I was hoping to drown the bread in my gooey half-fried eggs and now my master plan is RUINED because it's already wet with melting whatever-you-gave-me.
- and no matter WHAT you gave me, forget it if it's cold. Grrrr.....
"Would you like some toast?"
"I would LOVE some toast!"
....and I always end up disappointed. I mean, I understand I can't expect people to make toast the exact way I do, but here's a list of things that can go wrong in this scenario:
- Maybe I didn't want your salted butter. What if I preferred unsalted products. It could be a diet thing.
- What if I wanted margarine?
- What if I wanted wheat bread? or Rye? or Sourdough?
- Maybe I'm OCD and wanted the butter spread evenly to the outer corners, rather than splattered in a lump while you anticipate the butter to just dissipate out towards the crust.
- Why do people cut toast diagonally? To confuse yourself into thinking you're eating more than you are??
- Maybe I'm that type of person that repeatedly pushes the toast back down to get that perfect taste of BURNT to go with that spread.
- Did you ever stop to think I'd want Jam instead? Hmm??
- Or maybe I was hoping to drown the bread in my gooey half-fried eggs and now my master plan is RUINED because it's already wet with melting whatever-you-gave-me.
- and no matter WHAT you gave me, forget it if it's cold. Grrrr.....
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
facebook Relationship Status
I understand "in a relationship" or "single" but why does "with XXX XXXXXXX" matter? You can have it listed to show amongst your mutual friends whom exactly you are dating, but why is it a prominent feature on the webpage? Tab: Info; Category: BASIC INFO (this is pretty SPECIFIC information to me.... why is it under BASIC info? *exception, if you're married*); and it's like the third line down: Relationship Status. Wow...
Forgive me for being a Vulcan, but I don't need to validate myself by being in a relationship. Don't get me wrong. I love my baby - with all that I am. And it's no secret that we're together.... but why is it such a big deal? Like, he had tears of joy running down his cheek when all this transpired. What is the big deal? Why does this make it more "real" than if I never had a Internet profile page?
And I can't stand how people make such a big deal out of a "couple" picture on their profile. First off, it's one person's profile, not the couple's. Honestly, I don't care with whom you're in a relationship. It matters that you're IN one, but I don't need to see how gloriously happy you are with your significant other being all lovey-dovey in your profile pictures. I'm glad you love each other, but this is ridiculous. It makes sense that your engagement photos might be all cutesy. You're publicly announcing your union! There better be some romance in there (lol).
Do I hate relationship status on the web? No, I just think so little of it, I actually forget to change it when I DO get in or out of a relationship.... for years at a time. If I'm happy to announce I'm dating someone, I CALL people. You remember, that land-line phone at home with number keys to contact by voice your friends and family. Yeah, you remember... no, not the one with the abc, def, ghi keys. the 1, 2, 3..... maybe you even have a rotary phone. I do. :)
Oh, I get it.... maybe it means so little to me because I don't use myspace, facebook, etc for a booty call.... Hmmm....
Forgive me for being a Vulcan, but I don't need to validate myself by being in a relationship. Don't get me wrong. I love my baby - with all that I am. And it's no secret that we're together.... but why is it such a big deal? Like, he had tears of joy running down his cheek when all this transpired. What is the big deal? Why does this make it more "real" than if I never had a Internet profile page?
And I can't stand how people make such a big deal out of a "couple" picture on their profile. First off, it's one person's profile, not the couple's. Honestly, I don't care with whom you're in a relationship. It matters that you're IN one, but I don't need to see how gloriously happy you are with your significant other being all lovey-dovey in your profile pictures. I'm glad you love each other, but this is ridiculous. It makes sense that your engagement photos might be all cutesy. You're publicly announcing your union! There better be some romance in there (lol).
Do I hate relationship status on the web? No, I just think so little of it, I actually forget to change it when I DO get in or out of a relationship.... for years at a time. If I'm happy to announce I'm dating someone, I CALL people. You remember, that land-line phone at home with number keys to contact by voice your friends and family. Yeah, you remember... no, not the one with the abc, def, ghi keys. the 1, 2, 3..... maybe you even have a rotary phone. I do. :)
Oh, I get it.... maybe it means so little to me because I don't use myspace, facebook, etc for a booty call.... Hmmm....
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
What's a former model to do?
I'm not 17, 18 years old, I'm 24. I'm not fresh from the cradle, rockin' that "innocent" look. I didn't have bags under my eyes until I went to college and pulled late-night study sessions.
No thanks to the family doctor, I have cellulite. This is a HUGE no-no in fashion/beauty marketing. Once upon a time, I was put on birth control to balance some anxiety. I say estrogen is the main culprit here because part of the function of this hormone is to store fat for healthy pregnancy. Catch my drift?
I'm a size 8. I'm stuck near the middle of no-models land. Most models are expected to be a 2. Zero is too holocaust-survivor-esque. Plus-size models start at 12, and anything larger looks "too real", save Fashion Bug and the like.
Hourglass, exaggerated: The hourglass figure is supposedly the sexiest on women. However, my broad shoulders and wide hips are too much for the industry. Most ALL modeling agencies have a limit of hip measurement to 35.5 inches. I never met a model in my life that was bigger than 35 inches, save for me. I only got away with it because I modeled wedding gowns or posed for makeover head shots. No one's gonna give me the time of day with my 40" hips. Maybe I should just learn belly dancing and become an instructor for shits and giggles. And trust me - you can't order a custom designer gown with 40" hips. The seamstresses look at you funny. Anyway, the dresses aren't designed for tiny waists and wide hips; they just won't sit right. Yep, the 40's, 50's, and 60's are over. Barbie no longer reigns.
No thanks to the family doctor, I have cellulite. This is a HUGE no-no in fashion/beauty marketing. Once upon a time, I was put on birth control to balance some anxiety. I say estrogen is the main culprit here because part of the function of this hormone is to store fat for healthy pregnancy. Catch my drift?
I'm a size 8. I'm stuck near the middle of no-models land. Most models are expected to be a 2. Zero is too holocaust-survivor-esque. Plus-size models start at 12, and anything larger looks "too real", save Fashion Bug and the like.
Hourglass, exaggerated: The hourglass figure is supposedly the sexiest on women. However, my broad shoulders and wide hips are too much for the industry. Most ALL modeling agencies have a limit of hip measurement to 35.5 inches. I never met a model in my life that was bigger than 35 inches, save for me. I only got away with it because I modeled wedding gowns or posed for makeover head shots. No one's gonna give me the time of day with my 40" hips. Maybe I should just learn belly dancing and become an instructor for shits and giggles. And trust me - you can't order a custom designer gown with 40" hips. The seamstresses look at you funny. Anyway, the dresses aren't designed for tiny waists and wide hips; they just won't sit right. Yep, the 40's, 50's, and 60's are over. Barbie no longer reigns.
2010 demands the "CALIFORNIA" look: tan. I'm Irish/German/Danish. You can't get any whiter than that. I also have freckles. Freckles are so 2001.
If anything, I have a great body to be a stripper. And like hell I'm ever doing that. If I happened to take any of that seriously (and I wanted to to work in a city to make better money), I'd need breast enhancements anyway.... again... like hell I"m ever doing that.
If anything, I have a great body to be a stripper. And like hell I'm ever doing that. If I happened to take any of that seriously (and I wanted to to work in a city to make better money), I'd need breast enhancements anyway.... again... like hell I"m ever doing that.
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