How Do You Fuck Up Toast?!

I like toast. But does it bother you when they butter the toast for you?

"Would you like some toast?"
"I would LOVE some toast!"

....and I always end up disappointed. I mean, I understand I can't expect people to make toast the exact way I do, but here's a list of things that can go wrong in this scenario:

- Maybe I didn't want your salted butter. What if I preferred unsalted products. It could be a diet thing.
- What if I wanted margarine?
- What if I wanted wheat bread? or Rye? or Sourdough?
- Maybe I'm OCD and wanted the butter spread evenly to the outer corners, rather than splattered in a lump while you anticipate the butter to just dissipate out towards the crust.
- Why do people cut toast diagonally? To confuse yourself into thinking you're eating more than you are??
- Maybe I'm that type of person that repeatedly pushes the toast back down to get that perfect taste of BURNT to go with that spread.
- Did you ever stop to think I'd want Jam instead? Hmm??
- Or maybe I was hoping to drown the bread in my gooey half-fried eggs and now my master plan is RUINED because it's already wet with melting whatever-you-gave-me.
- and no matter WHAT you gave me, forget it if it's cold. Grrrr.....