What's a former model to do?

I'm not 17, 18 years old, I'm 24. I'm not fresh from the cradle, rockin' that "innocent" look. I didn't have bags under my eyes until I went to college and pulled late-night study sessions.

No thanks to the family doctor, I have cellulite. This is a HUGE no-no in fashion/beauty marketing. Once upon a time, I was put on birth control to balance some anxiety. I say estrogen is the main culprit here because part of the function of this hormone is to store fat for healthy pregnancy. Catch my drift?

I'm a size 8. I'm stuck near the middle of no-models land. Most models are expected to be a 2. Zero is too holocaust-survivor-esque. Plus-size models start at 12, and anything larger looks "too real", save Fashion Bug and the like.

Hourglass, exaggerated: The hourglass figure is supposedly the sexiest on women. However, my broad shoulders and wide hips are too much for the industry. Most ALL modeling agencies have a limit of hip measurement to 35.5 inches. I never met a model in my life that was bigger than 35 inches, save for me. I only got away with it because I modeled wedding gowns or posed for makeover head shots. No one's gonna give me the time of day with my 40" hips. Maybe I should just learn belly dancing and become an instructor for shits and giggles. And trust me - you can't order a custom designer gown with 40" hips. The seamstresses look at you funny. Anyway, the dresses aren't designed for tiny waists and wide hips; they just won't sit right. Yep, the 40's, 50's, and 60's are over. Barbie no longer reigns.

2010 demands the "CALIFORNIA" look: tan. I'm Irish/German/Danish. You can't get any whiter than that. I also have freckles. Freckles are so 2001.

If anything, I have a great body to be a stripper. And like hell I'm ever doing that. If I happened to take any of that seriously (and I wanted to to work in a city to make better money), I'd need breast enhancements anyway.... again... like hell I"m ever doing that.